Boozing? It'sh definitely good for you
Out-of-focus grope Did your bird spill my pint?
BOOZE IS TO BLAME for all manner of ghastly things. Headaches, fights, arrests, sleeping under hedges and waking up in bed next to a pig.
We've all been there and sometimes we were that pig.
The demon drink can be a force for good or a force for leaning over the toilet bowl all night. What it does is entirely down to you (down being the operative word, because alcohol is a depressant, like Celine Dion, reality TV and the Daily Mail) so don't go blaming lager for loutishness or Chablis for cretonic behaviour.
So when the Government tells us we should all pull ourselves together and stop enjoying ourselves, we should all pay attention.
And blimey, wouldn't you know it, that's just what they've been and gone and done.
A new Government tipple guide aims to help people keep tabs on how much alcohol they are drinking. Watch the number of units you drink. Be aware. Stay alert. Whatever you do, don't enjoy yourselves.
While such sober advice might work well amongst the Presbyterian Scottish Mafia that appears to run the UK these days, more normal people might prefer a more realistic guide to the demon drink.
So here it is.
Government recommended consumption figures were pulled out of the air a couple of decades ago by people unqualified to design and build a decent gin & tonic.
The recommended levels that pamphlets, posters, TV ads and doctors have been commanding us to live by since then are wrong. They have no basis in fact whatsoever. They are lies.
That doesn't stop the Government though, oh dearie me no. This year it plans to spend £6 million on an array of amusing beermats and cuddly vomit toys aimed at the old fogeys and a further £4 million targeting the nasty yoof vodka and lager binge drinkers.
A binge, by the way, is officially drinking more than four pints in one session, which must make the entire population of the UK terminal alcoholics.
God knows how much was spent on research that shockingly reveals a nation dependent on drink-fuelled nastiness because it doesn't know how many units of alcohol were in that alcopop or that 175 ml glass of Blue Nun.
Public Health Minister Dawn Primarolo said: "Glass sizes have grown larger and the strength of many wines and beers has increased so it is no wonder some of us have lost track of our alcohol consumption."
An astounding 58 per cent of people do not know that a double gin and tonic contains two units, says the Government. Well, excuse me, minister. Anyone serving a large G&T that contains fewer than eight units is likely to receive a somewhat acerbic response from this reporter.
Alcohol consumption is not a hard thing to judge. If you can stand up, you're probably OK. If you fall over, you've probably had enough. If you find an INQ writer attractive, you should seek medical help immediately.
The furore over 24-hour drinking generated many a column inch in the tabloid press, where writers who neck six pints and a couple of vodkas every lunchtime expressed shock, disgust and amazement that young folk were occasionally throwing up in the street at two o'clock in the morning. They then reached for the bottle of whisky in their desk drawer to calm their nerves.
If you can show me a person who hasn't thrown up in the street at two o'clock in the morning at least once in their lives, I'll either show you a miserable Prime Minister who really likes the Bee Gees, or Public Health Minister Dawn Primarolo.
Booze is part of life, like playing with cow pats, making your sister cry or baling out failing banks with taxpayers' money. There is no right or wrong level. Booze is self-regulating. Drink too much and you fall asleep, wake up with a hangover and start again.
Where booze is a definite force for evil is, however, completely ignored by the government report.
How many times have you woken up on the sofa at 0400 with an empty wine glass and a stained T-Shirt and wondered exactly why the PC is still logged into Amazon, only to discover a couple of days later that you've just bought 27 CDs you already own, because it seemed like a good idea at the time? µ
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Comments
the cry of dying brain cells...
Andrew:This all sounds like denial to me. There must be more to human life than unloading your gullet into the big white telephone. Perhaps a 12 step program could help.
On the subject of finding Inq reporters attractive: next time you are loaded please post a picture of Sylvie so we can further analyze this issue.
Coffee time...
Geek's guide to drinking
Drinking is like overclocking. It's approached in little increments.Get drunk, and remember how much you drank (not so easy). Back off a bit next time, and keep backing off each time until you can get drunk and happy without the vomiting bit.
There - that's your limit. Enjoy!
EVIL
good point. it seems as if alchohol is a booming economy's choice of drug since it drives people to work harder towards the weekend and then spend all their money. Seems Evil huh? alcohol ruins lives and the government don't give a sh*t, as long is 'GREAT' Britain is in the lead.Very Spot On! Mr. T!
A stained bank, indeed. An imbibing society has so much more to offer than dry rug. "Energizing" alcopops are for oxy morons. There is no substitute for experience and aging. Prattling do-gooders can not be trusted to any good outcome. Don't get me started! Pull the other one! Charge more for less, and then the toffs labour me to add it all up? an bless my bejesus! I'm not even allowed to carry a one! (new maths my arse!) Cork yer own unit, guv! It's just your jive talkin'!Over in Llangunllo, they have a pub in the bus-stop, and there's a church in Pennal, near Machynlleth, close to the Powys-Gwynedd border that will serve lager, wine and spirits! I don't know what sinister forces in Blighty are prohibiting beverage rate birth rights. And where did the notion of not talking in church come from? Great Kirk Culdee and Vicar Jim Beam!
Hic.
Right, Jumbo GT ice 'n a slice twice its then.....No Idea
Good article, we're suffering the effects of a so called crack down on binge drinking here in Aus as well. I say 'so called' as our government seems to have no idea what to do and as an attempted quick fix, and also in an attempt to seem they do know what they're doing, have decided that a tax increase on alchopops is the answer, that is, any premixed drinks with spirits, not including beer and wine.fyi a carton (24pk) of rum&cola pre-mix cans wen't up from ~$50 to ~$80.
And of course, this has solved nothing. I went to my rum and cola drinking mates place for drinks on friday night the week after the new tax was in. And guess what. They just bought a 40 once bottle of rum on which that tax doesn't apply with some bottles of cola and got even more trashed. Myself, I just switched to beer. Reports are coming in now that teen drinkers are all doing the same. It seems that Ruddy's (our PM) new tax is just getting kids even more sloshed as they DON'T know how many units they're having as the studies have shown. They mix 1/2 and 1/2 vodka and lemonade which has way more units than your standard alcopop. Then guess what happens at 3am when they've run out of lemonade and the shops are all closed. If you guessed these 16 y/o's start swigging straight vodka to an extent that would make Boris Yeltsin look likes he's straight edge, then you are the winrar. Of course, elicit drugs are resonably easy to get your hands on and it's much cheaper to buy 1 or 2 pingers to last you the whole night than it is to spend a night in the clubs drinking. And of course, if you cbf mixing your drinks and your intente on binge drinking you can just buy a 4l bag of wine and chug away with only $10 out of pocket.
Clearly binge drinking is a part of Aussy and Blighty culture, so if governments want to make a change they need to change the culture. IMO UK government is doing better than Aus as they are actually using all these posters and stuff for education, which is much better than a stupid tax increase.
What happened to battling for working families Rud? Inflation is off the chain, food and petrol are through the roof and yet the best you can come up with is another tax increase?
Don't blame me, I voted Liberal.
Push Booze into Pump.
While waiting for RAID tombstone to SSD up, put down extra Gallon of AgriProduct. Just 'oL 170 proof+ethylene. Keep Gal Tucked under Ones right Arm, turn nozzle when Tank Low.People actually make Money by Driving in cost Credits. Auto uses about 10 cents mile for Fuel & gets buck or more tax credit for vechile. so you can afford to actually Drive completely Blacked Out.
drashek
Binge Drinking Blues
I'm also an Aussie, and as you would expect of an Inq reader I do indeed drink! (gotta decipher the articles somehow :P )Kevin Rudd's tax increase as noted above by Lachlan will not solve a bloody thing and only serves as collective punishment for all the other pre-mix drinkers out there who now get slugged extra for the social problems of a minority of young kids.
These kids just get wasted on goonbags anyway (saw a few of them on the train from Melbourne the other day, quite tanked but a rather happy bunch) so it'll never work.
As always, they're trying to combat symptoms of a larger problem which they're too scared to properly address, which is WHY are the kids binge drinking, not WHAT are they drinking.
Government idiocy and ignorance seem to know no bounds these days.
*cracks open a can*
Why dont you try weed?
You anglosaxons dudes are alcoholics and alcohol is a hard drug, indeed. You should consider switching to weed guys.. At least the government wont get taxes from your nasty habits.What? Gin & Tonic? Hopeless!!
Can't believe that the Inq authors are still drinking mere/average G&Ts. Move up at least, to GVTs. A GVT is a Gin-Vodka-Tonic-ice composite in a 1234 ratio. 1 unit of gin, 2 units of vodka, 3 units of tonic, 4 units of crushed ice. Usually served in a pint glass. If consumed rapidly, before the ice melts much, one can imbibe nearly a 50/50 mixture of tonic water and hooch. I personally prefer a mix of Bombay Sapphire and whatever rot-gut vodka might be had.Ah, well. If the Inq's best drink lightly, then there's all the more for me.
- The Garret
How many times
How many times can you recycle that last paragraph and get paid for it?Second opinion
Why would anyone want to consume large amounts of alcohol is beyond me.Of all the drugs a person can buy alcohol is one of the most destructive. It's far worse than most, the only real drugs that can kill you quiker are much more expensive. Heroin, Crack, Opium those are more destructive.
Now, if you consider that in most cases alcohol has the worst side effects of all light drugs, such as weed, E, shrooms & speed. Why would you want to drink it?
Ever met a bunch of stoners that became excessively violent on weed or E??
This has all been researched many years ago. Wake up and smell the coffee after the hangover. Alcohol SUCKS.
It smells bad, it tastes bad, it kills your brain cells, you liver, lowers your zinc count (that things that makes general Willy stand at attention so well), It ruins your stomach lining to promote ulcers, it kills most vitamins & protein in your blood. By "killing" I mean the absorbtion is reduces by as much as 80% You know vitamins and proteins? those things that help your boody function, regualte blood sugar levels, remove fatty deposits from your veins, help you retain muscle fibre, help you focus...you know, keeps you healthy.
The list goes on and on...& all that for what? so you can get blurry vision? slurred speech? vomit? disregard wrong or right? loss of motoric skills??
Where is the great appeal of consuming vast amounts of alcohol??
Smelling bad?
If you consume say, HALF a pint IN A WEEK. The alcohol might actually serve a good purpose by cleaning out your kidneys. Better try half a glass of red wine. At least thats semi-healthy.
So in short, once your find out that you cannot have your fun without drinking enough to make you light headed, YOU'RE A LOOSER.
Let me repeat & read carefully now, if you cannot enjoy a night out without getting a bit drunk you're; a pathetic, lost, stupid, sorry excuse for a person & should seek professional help.
Teens always get this image of the big night out. You know, you go out, go to some club, drink alot cause you don't have to do stuff when your parents are not there. You get drunk & try to hook up with other drunk girls so maybe you can get into their pants.
But more often than not, the big night out turns into the roving puking night on the streets with no sex.
Just another statistic that makes briton the drunkest nation period.
Joke about it, ignore it & explain it all you want. But the fact is, alcohol consumption, alcoholism & closet alcoholism are serious problems in the UK.
Google & weep prohibitionists
Drinkers live longer on average with less cronic health problems.The sweet spot seems to be 2 glasses of red wine every day for men, and 1 for women.
Don't drink and drive though, that's a serious death/murder wish.
sooo right
I have to concur that the "limits" were entirely fictional - I seem to recall reading in a depressive paper that they were plucked out of thin air, and then halved. because they seemed so generous as to encourage drinking.As Barbara Castle was just introducing the breathalyser at the time, they halved it again to tie in with the anticipated limits to make more sense.......siiigh. Before the health nazis have a pop, I.ve almost stopped visiting the pub because i can't smoke anymore with my pint! So I'm much healthier now - AND BLOODY MISERABLE!Eh?
Pingers? Goonbags? Either I'm more out of touch with yoof cultcha than I realised, or they have some mighty strange sounding drugs in the land of Oz.nanny state
This is more nanny state crap from the government.The next thing will be rules to curb the amount you eat to avoid you exceeding the maximum allowed turd size in any one "sitting", so that they can save water by narrowing sewer pipes.