THIS THURSDAY, the INQ has despatched one of its borderline hacks to an almost certain death. He’s been ordered to step in, at short notice, to fight a heavyweight brute from Toshiba, in an event dubbed the Bloodbath in the Channel.

Half of all technology PRs would like to see violence used against a journalist, says a study. This Thursday they’ll get their chance, as our very own Nick Booth will be punched repeatedly in the face, in a Brewery near London’s east End.

The shocking survey shows that 54 per cent of PR people would pay to see a journalist repeatedly punched in the face. But the other 46 per cent conceded they probably would too but couldn’t get a definitive answer 'til, oh, end of play Thursday? Or maybe Monday?

With this in mind, The INQUIRER and sister publication CRN have put up a human sacrifice to the gods of technology PR and marketing, who now exert almost total control over free speech in this country.

In a night of organised violence, the first fight of a night of boxing will see the INQ’s Nick "telephone" Booth take onToshiba’s sixteen-stone behemoth Jason Philips, in a showdown to find the undisputed champ of internet telephony.

The move is in response to PR bunnies who constantly complain that journalists are arrogant, moody and have no sense of proportion. To counter this accusation, industry types and PR bunnies are invited to sponsor the destruction of a journalist, with all money going to help wounded servicemen and women.

While Philips has had 12 weeks to train and looks in prime condition, The INQ has thrown its fattest journalist to the dogs. An audience of PR, sales and marketing types are expected to generate record levels of bloodlust.

“A lot of people resent it when hacks dare to question our marketing hype,”said Wayne Carr, head of Write Wayne Carr PR. “So we’ll be baying for his head. I’d give good money to see a hack beaten up, as long as I can pass the cost on to my client.”

They could get the result they want, thanks to Incisive Media’s cunning scheme, which gave the hack a fraction of the preparation time.

“They’ve barely given me enough time to stop smoking,” said sacrificial hack Nick Booth. “But if it makes a few PR people happy to see a journalist getting hit, then so be it. We take ourselves far too seriously in this industry anyway. When a PC needs rebooting, it’s inconvenient, but not a fatal error. We should give thanks to people who work in a field where every error really is a life and death issue.”

All money raised by the INQ will go to Help for Heroes, a charity for injured servicemen and women.

To order tickets see Nick take a pasting, click here.

We'll bring you more on Nick's big night as it happens. µ